"Things to do in D&D"

This is my transcription of a paper one of my player wrote out of all their current objectives or possible activities at the moment, blue word are my comments.
This is mostly for my own reference so I know what to plan, and also with the consideration that it may be absurd enough to be found amusing.

Pedro's Premier

So the other night my friend Pedro (also known as Decanus the Halfling Druid) made his DMing premier with an original dungeon, run in OD&D rules, the latter part being a recent suggestion of mine.

So we set out:
Merrick the Cleric (from the player of Locke the Ranger)
Shaun the Fighter (From the player of Frederick the Cleric)
Wolfgang the Dwarf (From my brother who guests sometimes)
Cedric the Magic-User (From Castiel the Cleric)
Long-Name-I-Can't-Remember the Thief (From a guy who guested once and nearly killed the party)

Flannigan started at level 1.

and Flannigan the Thief (Me)

This is after the dungeon.

 Cedric and Flannigan found them selves the victims of a random teleportation after seducing a wizard's daughters, and arrived at the site of a readying expedition with the others, bound for some caves to find a way through or clear them or something at the behest of the local king.

So we went down, I climbed some cave walls to avoid quicksand and loot a chest, and found a secret compartment with some green jems.

We had some fun with a pit that was, after much searching, just empty.

There were some goblins that, though Flannigan can speak goblin, I could not convince not to attack us. So I kicked out the fire and got the dwarf (darkvision) to guide me toward some nice backstab kills.

We contemplated killing out well-armored (also plot-protected) guide.

There were some zombies that Cedric burnt up with burning oil for a nice exp boost.

We worried about some creepy bubbling ground that turned out to be nothing.

Cultists!

I had an argument with the fighter for pushing me down some slide before I could prepare a rope to climb back up.

There was a boulder, and a unicorn with a broken leg, which Merrick promptly crushed to death and I took the horn. We later tricked a puzzle into not making me give back the unicorn horn.

There is some evil business with our guide being possessed by the Evil God Samarak and floating away in a cloud of smoke after I headbutt him.

We meet a questionably-evil witch who we want to kill but suspect of being also plot-protected.

So we fetch some McGuffins and I pay some dwarves to help us who probably would have done it anyway. Party members are starting to contemplate killing me because I keep finding all the good treasure.

The witch unlocks the boss door with McGuffins and we fight some cultists and then a seemingly omnipotent wizard who thinks he is the son of Samarak until we frantically guess that we have to throw another McGuffin into a well. Supposedly someone told us this earlier, but no one remembers this conversation.

Outside the dungeon, amazingly all alive, some of the others contemplate killing me again, so I usher us quickly to the king where we get our reward and leave.

Everyone having leveled up in the dungeon, I now sell those green jems and find them to be very very valuable, such that I level up again and am remarkably wealthy.